How to Kill Victor Crowley | Slash Course | NowThis Nerd

Hi everyone, I’m Moose, and this time on ‘Slash Course,’ we’re going retro, back to a time when summer camps were all the rage, serial killers had a sense of humor, and a charming lad named Jason taught us how to scream Victor Crowley is an unapologetically old school homage to the glory days of slasher cinema, when we didn’t need janky jumpscares and fancy CGI to scare the crap out of us

So, collect your krewe, hold onto your hatchets, and don’t lose your head, because this is How to Kill Victor Crowley Traditional slasher films had gone by the wayside in the mid-2000s Modern torture porn like ‘Saw’ and ‘Hostel’ kind of sucked the fun out of things, while remakes of Japanese horror were more psychology than splatter And, of course, the shadow of ‘Scream’ still loomed large, the metatextual masterpiece that made Jason and Freddy seem like outdated dinosaurs A decade after Wes Craven deconstructed the genre, writer/director Adam Green crafted a loving reconstruction with 2006’s ‘Hatchet’ It’s got everything, putrefying practical kills, cameos from horror legends like Tony Todd and Robert Englund, Shut yer hole

a hulking killer with a cool origin, and, of course, his inevitably temporary death by Impalement Green came up with the mythology behind Victor Crowley when he was just eight years old, and for a little kid whose mind was warped by seeing ‘Friday the 13th’ movies at a way too young age, it’s surprisingly effective Thomas Crowley raised his deformed son Victor as best he could, hiding him away in Honey Island Swamp, and protecting him from the cruel taunts of his fellow kids But one Halloween night, a group of pranksters accidentally set fire to their shack, and when Thomas tried to break the door down with a hatchet to save the little scamp, he accidentally planted the blade right in his face I dunno if that's a good idea Thomas died of a broken heart, and his son returned from the grave to brutally murder anyone who dares step foot on his turf, like a group of obnoxious tourists who find themselves stranded in the swamp As Victor, former Jason actor Kane Hodder steps seamlessly into Crowley’s overalls, and brings a level of butchery that the Crystal Lake Killer could only dream of Honestly, despite being the title of the movie, he doesn’t actually kill that many people with a hatchet, though I guess ‘Ripping People’s Jaws Apart With His Bare Hands’ wouldn’t be quite so catchy on a marquee Throughout the film, Crowley is shot and burned, Yes! Burn, baby! but he’s ultimately foiled by his own implement of destruction

After he spears our final boy’s foot with a fencepost, the heroes painfully bend the pole and fatally spike Victor through the throat Now, unlike most movies, we don’t even have to wait until the sequel for him to miraculously resurrect, the final scare shows Victor alive and well, which segues straight into the sequel, where Crowley is killed yet again, via Facial Obliteration Taking a page from ‘Halloween II,’ the second ‘Hatchet’ film picks up immediately after the first movie ends, with our heroine Marybeth barely escaping the revived Crowley Death hasn’t exactly helped his rage issues, because the Bayou Butcher is more brutal than ever, and continues to wreak havoc across a wide swath of slasher stereotypes The wacky vagrant who warns everyone about the terror Co-eds having extremely unsafe sex… And of course, the world’s largest chainsaw splitting two would be bounty-hunters right down the middle We also learn more about Victor’s backstory, courtesy of a returning Tony Todd When Thomas Crowley fathered a son with the nurse of his terminally ill wife, she placed a curse on the bastard child, presumably causing his facial condition and supernatural powers Todd has his own plan to kill Crowley, too, by having him off the remaining bullies who burned his house down in the first place, finally setting his soul to rest

So that means there's only two more to go before his revenge is satisfied The curse will be lifted and the swamp is mine Of course, that fails, and Tony Todd gets torn in half and skinned for his trouble, You gotta be freakin' kdding me! so Marybeth takes out Crowley the old-fashioned way: Going berserk and chopping his face into an unrecognizable pulp with his own hatchet Die, melon farmer! GO TO HECK!!! Corey Feldman, eat your heart out Then, in an unusually smart move for a slasher heroine, she blows his head off with a shotgun for good measure

FORGET YOU!!! Points for being thorough, but even Marybeth knows he’s not going to stay dead for long, and sure enough, he’s back in action minutes later when ‘Hatchet 3’ begins But, in a cool twist, Victor actually dies at the start of the movie, when he’s brutally Sawed in Two After realizing that Victor has returned, Marybeth stumbles across the spectacular chainsaw he used in the last movie, starts that bad boy up, and splits him in twain Satisfied with her victory, she stumbles back to the city, only to get blamed for the dozens of bodies left back in the swamp Who Who'd you kill? While she’s in custody, she learns that Victor is a “repeater,” a revenant cursed to relive the night of his death over and over, until he’s reunited with his father I dunno, priestess said no amount of physical damage can keep him from returning again and again in his original form He's dead Unfortunately, Papa Crowley died years ago, so they're forced to steal his cremated remains from Victor’s creepy uncle, played by Captain Spaulding himself Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi

Much like the Undertaker, the urn is the key to killing Crowley once and for all, Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust While all this exposition is going down, ol’ Hatchet Face wakes up ala Jason in ‘Part IV,’ and makes mincemeat of the heroic first responders who bagged and tagged him By now, the authorities are well aware of Crowley’s killing spree, and when they make the brilliant move of blowing up his childhood home, Victor gets even more vicious

He completely wrecks the SWAT team tasked to take him down, including an officer played by Derek Mears, one of the Jasons who replaced Kane Hodder in the ill fated 2009 ‘Friday’ reboot Marybeth confronts the killer with his father’s ashes, forcing him to stop in his tracks and speak for the first and only time in the series: DADDY Which is one more word than Jason’s ever said Sadly, an overeager deputy interrupts the tender moment, only to be torn in half for his trouble Marybeth is bloodied and brutalized, but with her last remaining strength, she dumps the ashes over Crowley’s face, causing him to melt into a mucky red monster, which she promptly blows away with a SWAT shotgun

FORGET IT! That seemed to be the end of the Bayou Butcher, but in 2017, fans gathered at a special 10th-anniversary screening were shocked to learn that Adam Green had secretly filmed a brand-new sequel, simply called ‘Victor Crowley’ And while the title is a little more appropriate, since most of his kills come from the big guy’s bare hands, it’s a very different film from the first three The budget’s definitely been slashed, and the comedy is taken to the extreme Go to hell you ugly buffoon! Maybe, ah, no more one-liners? Still, if you’re thirsty for gallons of gore, you could do a lot worse, especially Victor’s final (for now) fate, when he dies from a severe case of Jet Lag The fourth film dives into yet another horror movie trope, the idiots who want to make a movie/podcast/reality show about a long-dead slasher, because who would ever make a video about dead horror villains? AHEM! Was that intentional? And, of course, he resurfaces to drink in his fifteen minutes of fame with a bit of the old ultraviolence The crew sets up shop in the Big Easy when a charter plane crashes into Honey Island Swamp, and I hope you like cramped, tiny fuselages because like, 90% of the movie takes place in the wreckage

Crowley is back to his old tricks, and eliminates the intruders one by one From drowning and decapitations, to claw hammers and curb stomps, Big Vic hasn’t missed a beat He even busts out the belt sander, but in the end, one of our heroes sacrifices himself, tackling the terror into a whirring plane propellor, And dicing them both into a fine red paste NOOO!!! Obviously, this isn’t the last we’ve seen of the Bayou Butcher, it certainly doesn’t convince Marybeth, who readies her trusty shotgun in anticipation of his return Adam Green has promised that more Crowley is coming, and I for one can’t wait

In an era of reboots, remakes, and the odd actually good horror movie, Victor Crowley is proof that the classic formula can still kill You gotta be freakin' kidding me

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